When I was a kid my favorite thing about Beauty & The Beast was Cogsworth. Not to say that the Beast wasn’t cool or that Lumière wasn’t a pimp, but Cogsworth just rubbed me the right way. What can I say, I thought that a fat little clock named Cogs-worth who had a mustache made out of his hour and minute hands was clever.
Something from my childhood and something that terrifies me.
Alas, those were simpler times with simpler minds. I grew up, I went to college, and I started ruining everything in my life by overanalyzing it. And unfortunately, Disney movies were no exception. I re-watched Beauty and The Beast recently, and when comparing it to some of the other animated Disney classics I found something disturbing. It’s something that many years from now philosophers will be calling “The Gaston Problem.”
90s animated classic? Or the downfall of a modern Prometheus?
Quick recap of the movie: Belle is the prettiest girl in town but sort of an outsider due to her quirky nature. Still, Gaston, the arrogant town hero, wishes to marry her. Belle’s father gets indebted to the Beast, so Belle has to go live with the Beast in his castle. They don’t get along, blah, blah, romance, blah, blah, she goes back to help her father because he’s lost in the woods or something. Gaston shows up, finds out about the Beast from the magic mirror, and leads a mob to go kill him. The mob gets beaten, Gaston gets tossed into a gorge, Beast and Belle kiss, tra la la, one true love later we’ve got a happy ending.
That is, a happy ending for everyone but Gaston, who’s lying at the bottom of a canyon looking like a pile of mango salsa. Now I’m not knocking traditional story telling. Every great story has got a great villain and they eventually get their comeuppance. That’s just the way traditional stories go.
But Beauty and The Beast is not a traditional story and Gaston is not a traditional villain. Perhaps the best way that I can introduce this argument is by a quick side by side comparison to some other classic Disney villains from the same genre. Let’s take a quick look at Ursula from The Little Mermaid, Scar from The Lion King, and Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. They are all reasonable comparisons to Gaston because (1) they’re all from Disney musicals of the same era, (2) they are each the main antagonist in their respective films, (3) they all get their own song, and (4) they all die in horrible ways.
Let’s take a look at the following chart:
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As you can see, each and every one of these villains are a heinous example of the evil that lurks within man (Or lion. Or sea witch. Whatever.) Each one attempts murder in the first degree, two of them attempt high treason, and each openly admit (in song) their villainous ways/motivations. It’s a pretty open-shut case when asking whether or not they deserved their horrible deaths. Now let’s tack Gaston onto the end of that chart.
You notice something funny? I sure do. I notice that Gaston gets murdered when he hasn’t really hasn’t done anything evil. You could even argue (and I will) that he hasn’t even done anything wrong. Let’s examine his actions step-by-step.
When we first see Gaston, he attempts to seduce Belle because she is the prettiest girl in town. He tries to propose to her, but is shot down. Later, Gaston gets depressed, and Le Fou leads the town in a song glorifying him. Finally, Gaston tries to throw Belle’s father into an asylum because he claims he saw a beast. Belle, in order to save her father’s reputation, shows Gaston the Beast in the magic mirror. Gaston rallies up a mob to go and kill the goddamn thing. Gaston fights the Beast, loses, stabs him in the back, and is thrown to his death.
So, his main actions in the film are:
(1) Proposing to the most beautiful woman in town.
(2) Attempting to throw an old man into an insane asylum.
(3) Leading a mob to try and kill the Beast.
Let’s take a closer look.
Disney’s Unsung Tragic Hero
(1) The Proposal
Gaston proposes to the most beautiful woman in town. I ask you, why not? He’s the handsomest, strongest, most respected man in the village. We know this is true because of his song where various locals compliment his many epic features. Doesn’t he deserve the most beautiful woman in town? Sure, when he asks Belle he does it like a jerk, but if you lived in the middle of bumfuck France, and you were especially good at expectorating, wouldn’t you assume that anyone in town would want to marry you? Gaston might be a little delusional, but he’s not way off base here.
(2) The Old Man and The Asylum
Gaston tries to throw Belle’s father into an insane asylum. Why? Because after wandering around in the woods for a couple of days, he claims that he’s seen a giant monster. Well, who wouldn’t believe a story like that? It’s not like it’s totally fucking crazy. It’s so fucking crazy that the only way that Gaston’s very reasonable suspicions are proven wrong is by way of a magic mirror. Belle needed fucking magic to prove him wrong. That’s gotta say something for the guy. Which leads to:
(3) The Battle With the Beast
Once Gaston is given irrefutable proof that there is a beast living in a castle nearby the village, he rallies up the men to go and kill it. What about this sounds so fucking evil? Put yourself in his large, trampling boots: you’re the hero of your town. Every man, woman, and child (with the exception of one crazy inventor and his bitch of a daughter) looks up to you. You learn about the existence of abomination of God then find out that it’s living next door. What would you do? I’d tell you what I’d do: I’d go and fucking kill it.
Belle even claims that the Beast and the castle are totally benign. Yet when the men kick in the doors, they are attacked by the furniture. The men are beaten, bludgeoned, scalded, stabbed, and burned. One poor man is even forced to dress like a woman against his will.
Horrifying
Can you imagine anything more terrifying? I mean, besides fighting an eight-foot tall man-bear that is wearing a cape. Are you telling me that you wouldn’t stab that fucking man-thing in the back if you had the chance?
I’m getting away from my point here, which is this: Gaston never had any evidence that gave him the idea that the Beast wasn’t evil. He kicked in the door, and all of his men were immediately attacked. Some of them by flying knives and a clock with a gun. I think his reaction is pretty fucking reasonable.
Everything that Gaston doesn’t get. Even the old man gets to fuck the teapot.
Here’s my big question:
What did Gaston do wrong exactly? Sure, he’s a jerk, but he’s no Mussolini. He’s not evil, he’s just an asshole. And rightfully so. Nobody gives LeBron James shit when he says that he’s best. And why? Because he fucking is. Same goes for Gaston. He’s more of a tragic hero than anything, Shakespearean in scope. They even throw a fucking party after he’s dead. Hooray! Belle got married! I’m so very happy for you! But you know who didn’t get married? Gaston. Do you know why? Because he got thrown into a canyon and now he looks like somebody whipped a garbage bag filled with pork fat at a brick wall. Have you ever seen a body that’s fallen from a great height onto solid rock?
I sincerely hope you never do.
